she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Boobs are out for the taking
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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