So drunk its hurt
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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