im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Walk of Shame today included voting.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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