Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
