I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
