i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
