i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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