remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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