Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
