everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
