he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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