Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
