don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Drake has all the answers
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
