You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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