i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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