She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
