I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My vagina just clenched in fear
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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