he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
