You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
