I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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