He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
