I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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