think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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