just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
