I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize