I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
People in love make me want to vomit
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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