Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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