You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
