he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize