Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
