Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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