Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
