I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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