Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
