I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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