He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
