going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
