(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize