wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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