you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
