At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
