I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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