I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
