i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
