What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
