You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
