you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
