I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
