apparently the secret to your success is patron
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i drank out of a bidet.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
