who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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