Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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