How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
