I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
