we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
