I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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