The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
