How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think people are normalizing furries
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
