No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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