i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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