the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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