Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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