I can text with my tongue
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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