I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
