He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
