i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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