she was so not down for the gang bang
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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