don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
