If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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