Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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