You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
