worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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