That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
