Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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