I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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