If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
