This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
