I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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