Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My dick has a subreddit
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
