Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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