Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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