last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
