Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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