why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
