I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
