theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize