After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
