i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
