apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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